Philosophy on Time and Future (Part I)

Recently I have come to the conclusion that school might not be for me anymore. Other than going to rehearsals and seeing my friends, it seemed like education has lost its luring incentive to make me want to thirst for some knowledge so it can get me out to the real world being intelligibly elite (bwahaha) and worldly among my peers.

I have been disinterested in opening up my notes, reading ahead, and doing my homework. And worst of all, getting out of bed and making myself go to school has become a real struggle, wherein the option of just sleeping till noon spells perfection in my head. Weird me, I just do not see the point in studying for classes that bore and annoy me. I have become a glass-eyed doll, maybe a robot, just going through the motions of everyday life. I find myself half asleep, or sometimes just staring into empty spaces, letting all information go through me without absorption and with no sense of additive wisdom fulfilling my being. I have been wondering why in class it seems like my curiosity has not been riled up, that how come there is no desire of wanting my questions answered, or why there aren’t there even questions clouding my head anymore?

I think at 21, going on 22 next month, this is a problem.

I do not know, maybe it is the gradual journey to the pit of abysmal dumbness. My educational world has come to a halt where satisfaction in where I am is just so tempting like pina colada on a hot summer day at the beach or an ice-cold beer after final exams, where brain cells are allowed to rot and it will be perfectly okay.

I want to be happy in school is I guess what I am saying. I miss the feeling of learning something and the urge to share it because it is just so great and applicable in life. I want it to be the same feeling as I am part of a stage production, that same adrenaline rush before a performance, the natural high when performing on stage, and the reflex of smiles during the curtain call.

What is wrong with me?

Serious self-motivation should be implemented... *sigh*