focus andrei...

this feeling like your mind is everywhere and its floating... but you really don't know where it's going... hmmm... parang u want to accomplish so much, pero fuck... you feel like your stuck in a rut... what is going on?

focus andrei.

focus.

sometimes i just want to lay down in the dark and forget everything... i think the thought of blankness is comforting right now... all white... no walls... just me and nothing else...

i have not felt inner calmness for a while... its school... its my procrastination... its my inability to follow through... its my attitude.

i want to graduate already, but i know i got to work hard to do that... only a couple of months left and i cant afford to just bum around... i know what to do... just can't bring myself to concentrate sometimes... have to recapture that drive and competitiveness that i had before in order to make senior year a tad bit easier for me...

no more dreaming for now... just day by day things... little accomplishments that will lead me to my goal... i know where i want to be... its the process that's really driving me nuts...

i should listen to my boyfriend more when it comes to these things... hay... im so stubborn eh...

im hating the night... feels like am running out of time... and sleep is just too tempting... days are full of shitty classes... with shitty diagrams about me, the other, and God... useless information... im glad i still got my crazy imagination to escape to, but even that is rattled by my consciousness telling me to get real and see what is going on now...

my mind is always in a frenzy, either preparing for the next oral exam, planning for my thesis, or just thinking about how i should change how im dealing with things in school, even now i feel like am floating...

can i be a kid again?

i know there's no turning back. it's hard when u know that the only person you gotta prove yourself to is yourself... its more disappointing when you've failed and that your little efforts are not good enough...

depression?

naw, im not going through a rough time... it's just that... id rather be some place else than where i am now... makes sense?

ugh, im old... i know people who are 19 and 20 now and are seniors... im fucking 22 turning 23 in february... such naivete 3 years back...

i don't know...

i want to help myself so bad.

focus andrei.

focus.