theBubbleBathBoi

21. Committed. RonyBu. Dramatic. Romantic. Happy. Student. Actor. Poetry. Optimistic. Crazy. Practical. Complicated. Imaginative. Crass. Loving la Vida.

Thursday, August 31, 2006

damn boy...


in the old condo...



pucha... bata pa ko neto... freshman year in ateneo

Monday, August 28, 2006

focus andrei...

this feeling like your mind is everywhere and its floating... but you really don't know where it's going... hmmm... parang u want to accomplish so much, pero fuck... you feel like your stuck in a rut... what is going on?

focus andrei.

focus.

sometimes i just want to lay down in the dark and forget everything... i think the thought of blankness is comforting right now... all white... no walls... just me and nothing else...

i have not felt inner calmness for a while... its school... its my procrastination... its my inability to follow through... its my attitude.

i want to graduate already, but i know i got to work hard to do that... only a couple of months left and i cant afford to just bum around... i know what to do... just can't bring myself to concentrate sometimes... have to recapture that drive and competitiveness that i had before in order to make senior year a tad bit easier for me...

no more dreaming for now... just day by day things... little accomplishments that will lead me to my goal... i know where i want to be... its the process that's really driving me nuts...

i should listen to my boyfriend more when it comes to these things... hay... im so stubborn eh...

im hating the night... feels like am running out of time... and sleep is just too tempting... days are full of shitty classes... with shitty diagrams about me, the other, and God... useless information... im glad i still got my crazy imagination to escape to, but even that is rattled by my consciousness telling me to get real and see what is going on now...

my mind is always in a frenzy, either preparing for the next oral exam, planning for my thesis, or just thinking about how i should change how im dealing with things in school, even now i feel like am floating...

can i be a kid again?

i know there's no turning back. it's hard when u know that the only person you gotta prove yourself to is yourself... its more disappointing when you've failed and that your little efforts are not good enough...

depression?

naw, im not going through a rough time... it's just that... id rather be some place else than where i am now... makes sense?

ugh, im old... i know people who are 19 and 20 now and are seniors... im fucking 22 turning 23 in february... such naivete 3 years back...

i don't know...

i want to help myself so bad.

focus andrei.

focus.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

can i just say...

BlueREP kick off party on saturday til dawn... hosted the event... freaked out the first part of the night... but everything went well despite the occasional mist... added character to the night, kaya okay lang. singing, dancing, and a reunion of the bluereppers from 15 years ago to the introduction of the current members... mhmmm... love it!


i'm glad these people were with me at the 15th year BlueREP kick off party



we are beautiful people!




just us pare...




shhhh...




we'll all be BIG someday, you know it!

Saturday, August 26, 2006

immersion pics




'tay rody and 'nay doray



hotel suite



sariwang pesca!



mango plant



laguna wilderness



marge, gayle, and my huge face



the kids, howie, marge, gerald (my roomie), and moi

... life is good

well maybe not quite enough...

i'm tired...

and i miss rony...

did stages of love again for a literature class that bought the show... it went well. im so happy that the cast did an awesome job and so did the stage management and the lights crew and every bluerepper who helped out...

stages of love is now the longest running blurep show... u better believe it...

AND going to assumption college for an occular tomorrow... the school bought three shows of stages of love and we are going to perform on monday...

i miss performing...

i miss rehearsals...

i feel so left behind with all of my friends pursuing professional theatre... i'll get my chance... please Lord give me that chance...

busy with thesis... i hate the paper work involved, just changed my topic to musical theatre in the philippines rather than performance poetry... i'm not really a dancer or a poet just yet so might as well do a study and a show on something i've been training to do since i started college right?i'm actually using stages of love as my creative output for my thesis project...

some people might say that i am taking the easy way out by doing it again... but i think, looking at what i did with the bluerep show, there were a lot of things i learned... in terms of what worked or not... learning from my mistakes... refurbishing the script... i'll definitely improve it... and hopefully with this new production, make musical theatre accessible and broaden its audience...

went on an immersion trip from the 18 til the 20th... great experience... loved my foster family... suprisingly, got along with my roomate who was a little short of being a princess, only a straight one... nice fella though, former blockmate from management, very high maintenance, a little kid at heart who loves karaoke, got a long with him taking turns in pumping the poso... apparently there was a scandal... but don't believe the rumors! the other people i met during the trip were awesome as well...

our little group rocked the house with our performance--- a short exerpt from stages of love...i got a little tipsy... no not drunk... just easy clean happy fun... i'm not a belligerent alcohol drinker... angsting is not my thing really... didn't remember the latter half of the night... no i wasn't drunk... hopefully i didnt do anything too crazy... *sigh* had so much fun...

bluerepper home coming party of sorts tomorrow night... mingle with the oldies and the new recruits... i love it...

rony is coming home to me in september... the last time i saw him was back in early july i think... it gets hard... especially now that i'm doing a lot of things... i wish that i can just go home to him and just get that big old hug and forget about everything that is bothering my mind...

i need a change of attitude... caught myself looking at a mirror and i was scowling... such a gloomy theatening look... i have to have a positive aura... need to be more optimistic... i think im feeling the senior blues... i just want to get out... man... i swear after college, ill just disappear for a while 3 months or so... like poof! away from the city, away from the ateneo, away from the crowd... just by myself... just need 50 thousand pesos and maybe an atm for that to happen...

i'm tired...

i'm glad i have geegee... besides my family and rony, keeps me sane, we talk about our lovers, we insult each other still, and she might just join me on this great escape that i am planning... ill make room for here, i think we are on that same level of thinking and emotional/spiritual state. she's not in school anymore though... find myself being all i have no friends anymore drama... but i guess it really is different when you've found a really good friend that you trust and would just understand you... i mean i know i have other friends... but like geegee and i talked about... what we got is something crazy and weird and of course we feed each other's ego... i'm proud of her doing the whole theatre thing... we will share the stage again and force everyone to go love us!

-------

i'm tired...

but i am still smiling...

i love my mom... my brother and i are talking again... (that's another story)

my goal: do well in school and look good at 23 (by february)... and oh, make new friends... i need new friends... and stay happy!

sayang i dont have pictures yet from my immersion... will post soon!

Sunday, August 06, 2006

... too many


so cute this little boy... love him to bits... nice to have a pamangkin so smart and kulet...
it was rony and my 2 years and 7 mos. on the 4th... can't wait for him to get back!
am busy like a busy bee...
life is good
it gets complicated
i deal.
i smile.
im praying for the week to be a smooth ride for me...
senior year... and all these classes... quite the workload...
wish thesis is my only subject... its hard... but im having a lot of fun doing it.
_______________
i had the best day on thursday... thesis adviser pulls me aside and says, "my prophecy ako para sa iyo..."
me: "ma'am?"
"andrei, you do know you're going to be big someday right?"
i was like, "what do u mean?"
"you're going to be BIG..."
then i guess i sorta got what she meant... she also says that she sees my potential and what i am becoming and could become... that was really sweet i thought... i really don't know where she is basing it on, we've only had half a semester with her...
"sus, magaling lang akong mambola," i said.
"pero hindi eh... gets mo? i see the creative juices flowing and its ur lightness that will carry u through..."
"lightness?"
ofcourse im paraphrasing but she said something like, "yeah sobrang dali mo mapakasamahan... ur funny, you joke all the time, yet you have this serious side and i see the passion and ur commitment to your art, etc..."
i was like "whoa, thanks."
"pero..."
"pero?"
"yeah, pero i realize na may mga external factors na puedeng mag bago sa ideologies mo, i mean everyone grows up and of course ang mga paniniwala at mga pinaninidigan ng isang tao mag iiba and natural lang yun... pero no matter what happens, stick to your plan"
so true man... i gotta stick to my plan... it's my art that i have to fight for and prove to people the integrity and the hard work in being a theatre artist. i mean this week lang someone asked me what i would do with my theatre arts degree when i graduate...
uhhh use it?
i was kinda insulted by it and i know the person didn't mean anything... but the fact that he asked... and in a tone expecting me to shun the field of study that i've worked hard for.
... stick to the plan... i hope so... i intend to...
sa totoo lang isa lang ang gusto kong mangyari sa akin eh sa business na toh eh. i mean of course money, fame, mga yun andun sa mga pangarap ko...
pero one thing that i want to have is respeto. yan lang ang mas binibigyan ko ng halaga. i just want to be respected in what i do, i'm sure the sense of fullfilment will surpass all that money can offer (echoing geegee's mother)...
... but if ever i slip and do something that i wasn't supposed to do or something not part of my plan... ill just look at it as a vacation and then get right on track and come back full force...
i have a lot of dreams...
i think im too idealistic...
i get too emotional...
i say what i want to say...
what if something goes wrong?